The Last Heartbeat
If only the darkness would stop calling me, in my last heartbeat. If only the edge of that voice didn’t cut me, perhaps I could move forward in my life. But no, it’s always the same—as if my feet were nailed to the floor and my arms pulled by hands emerging from the darkness.
Fear.
It’s the first word that enters my head, followed by a flood of images from my past and not just that—historical moments where fear has surrounded lives too.
They stop. Behind me, darkness, but ahead another environment forms—a party, it seems from another century. What grabs me drags me before some of the guests. They all wear masks. Hypocrisy. It’s the second word that attacks my head. In the hall, some masks disappear to reveal the faces of all those who have been hypocrites in my life. I scream. But no one hears me.
BOOM!!!
A murderous noise filled the air. It’s the first noise—at the second, I’ll die.
Everyone disappears. Only a large chandelier of different crystals remains. From the distance where I stand, it resembles a rainbow. I blinked once. When I opened my eyes again, the chandelier was in front of my face. As I examine it, historical events appear in each crystal—lives and experiences, each stranger and more distinct than the other, but with one concrete aspect. Interest.
CAREFUL! careful careful, a voice rumbled from the walls. Panic flowed through my body followed by a massive adrenaline rush. I was dizzy, about to fall to the floor, but there they were again, those hands holding me tighter. LET GO OF ME! I screamed. Everything around me froze. No sound.
I felt the power and strength of my being course through my body. Mysteriously, I felt my eyes turning black—or at least that’s what I felt—and with one pull I managed to free one hand. So I knew this thing wouldn’t defeat me. I freed myself completely, and with all that energy I said:
I’M NOT AFRAID OF YOU!
I felt something watching me, but I didn’t care. I had enough strength to confront whoever was necessary—until I saw her. First a woman, then an animal, both equally defenseless. Damn it! I said to myself. This thing knew how to play well, knew all my aspects, and began attacking with my weaknesses.
I knew what I had to do, but I wouldn’t allow myself. I wasn’t going to let this thing make me do things I promised myself I’d never do. I SCREAMED. The woman looked at me with a malevolent smile. Something sounded behind me. I turned. Nothing. There was no one anymore.
HAHAHAHA!
A loud laugh invaded the place. My breathing increased. I hate fear—I feel weak and accessible. Rage coursed through my body. My hands curled little by little with force, forming two fists. My body trembled.
Something grabbed my neck, squeezed it hard, lifted me, and threw me. I got up with all my strength. This thing knew I would react aggressively. I attacked, hit everything that crossed my path. I wasn’t reasoning—I felt myself disappearing into myself, into this barrage of rage and aggression.
I felt myself dying slowly. In my last effort, I remembered an old teaching: an enemy can attack their enemy and it won’t go further, but if they attack their mind, they’ll have won everything. I tried to free myself—I couldn’t. I tried to scream—I couldn’t. I did everything possible. Nothing worked.
Finally, in my defeat, I fell to the floor, closed my eyes. Everything around me turned black. I woke up. I realized it had all been an epiphany of what I had been. My life revealed itself before my eyes and mind just before I heard the last heartbeat of my heart.
